Dear Anne
I am 18 and lost my virginity a couple of days ago. I didn't tell the guy I was a virgin though. There wasn't much foreplay and it took ages for him to get it in. It didn't hurt too much but the fact that entry was difficult was quite embarrassing. I also bled a lot afterwards and still a tiny bit now and I have a discharge. I did use protection but I don't know whether this is normal and I really want some advice! Will it bleed next time? Jane
Dear Jane
I'm sorry you didn't have a particularly pleasant first time. Love-making is not always like this. It can be wonderful, romantic, fun, tender and exciting but only if both partners make it so! I'm also sorry that you feel embarrassed about what happened as though it was all your fault or something. It wasn't!
Foreplay, especially when the two of you are not used to sex with each other, is important. It relaxes you and helps you get in the mood. The relaxing part also affects your vaginal muscles and increases female lubrication so penetration is easier and more comfortable. Considerate lovers don't act like a battering-ram! If you're tense, your vagina will naturally be a bit dry but you can always have fun applying a bit more lubrication in the form of KY Jelly or sweet almond oil, which should make things easier.
The bleeding could be one of two things, or even perhaps both. Firstly some girls do have a fairly tough hymen. The hymen is a membrane which stretches part-way across the upper reaches of the vagina. It usually breaks fairly readily, often when inserting a tampon or doing particularly vigorous sports, but if it is tough, the first sexual experience can be somewhat painful. It's normal for there to be a few spots of blood but it doesn't usually last more than a day or two, and once the hymen's gone, it's gone for good so there's no more bleeding. The other possibility is that your lover could have torn the wall or entrance to the vagina a little by being rough. Depending on the nature of the tear that could take a few days to heal up.
I don't know what sort of discharge you're experiencing. It could be that your natural lubrication is a little more plentiful right now, or it could be a sign that you have caught an infection, perhaps being more susceptible to this if your vagina is a little torn. It would therefore be a good idea to go and see a doctor as soon as possible. You needn't be embarrassed about this as it's quite common and infections almost always respond very quickly to medication. By the way, if your protection was a condom, please be aware that they're not 100% reliable and they sometimes tear, so it's best to use them with a spermicidal cream or jelly.
I hope that your future love-making will be with someone who is kind and loving. Good luck.Back to Ask Anne
