Dear Anne
There is this boy that I fancy so much but he has a girlfriend. I can't stop thinking about him and when I say he is on my mind 24/7 that's what I mean. Is there any way or any sites you could recommend that could give me some tips on how to act around him to make him really like me, think I'm special and that he ought to go out with me? I know that sounds really selfish but please help. Claire
Dear Claire
It's really exciting for you to think about this boy, isn't it? You dream of all the possibilities in a joint future: what he'll say, what he'll do and how great he'll make you feel.
Real life isn't like that, though. Nobody has the power to make you feel great, not even this lad. I'm sure that you've invested your fantasy image of him with such power, but the real boy isn't the one you dream of.
By now I can imagine you're getting pretty cross with this letter, but you asked for help and that's what I'm offering. You want to find some magic power to attract this lad and make him pack in his girlfriend for you but there's no such thing as magic. What there is is your chance to think how to solve your problems. That's something you can do, and it'll help you take control of your own life rather than wanting someone else to transform you.
It's not this boy who makes you think about him 24/7. It's you, because it feels safer than having a real relationship with a flesh and blood human. After all, a real man has desires which might conflict with yours. One of them is going out with his girlfriend. That's his choice, and hers. Even if you could break them up, wouldn't that mean you had devious, heartless and immoral aspects? Those, of course, aren't lovable at all.
You already are special. You already are valuable and important. If you don't yet realise these things about yourself, why not work through books like Are you the one for me? by Barbara de Angelis, or Life Coaching: You can change your life in seven days by Eileen Mulligan? Once you value yourself, other people will value you too.
You'll also be able to start practising relationship skills in different types of partnerships, because you'll have enough self-respect to respect other people, too. I wish you every happiness in the futre.
Back to Ask Anne
