Dear Anne
I'm currently in a relationship with a 22 year old lady and I'm 42. We both love each other and are very happy together but we've hit a stumbling block. We've been seeing each other for 7 months now and everyone is fine with the age difference - apart from two people, her mum and dad. They can't accept the relationship. This is putting a strain on us both. She wants to end the relationship because of this but I love her so much I don't want this to happen. Any help or advice would be most appreciated. Regards, Andy
Dear Andy
I'm sorry you and your lady have been having problems. To some extent this is inevitable with a big age-gap, especially when she's so young. No doubt you and she have discussed the big life-questions: your future plans and time-scale; how you'll feel in your 50s if you have teenage children; how she'll feel if she wants to go clubbing or whatever and you're not up for that; how you and she would share parenting and keeping a home; why you both prefer a partner who doesn't have age-related experiences in common, and so forth. If you've worked all that out, it would be very useful for you, her and her parents to get together to discuss their anxieties around such issues. If they're willing to meet for such a discussion, great!
However, they may not be. They may continue with their prejudice, and threaten to keep their distance or cut off completely if you and she get together. In which case, if your and her love is strong enough, you'll weather the storm together. And if it lacks that high level of commitment, you'll split up. If you do part, it's because, however good the relationship appears, it has some fundamental cracks in it. If it doesn't have staying-power, better to find out now rather than later. Then you can keep the good things - the nice times you've had together, the boost to your self-esteem that a pretty young girl finds you attractive, the reassurance that you're lovable - and allow your relationship to fade to the warming, pleasant embers of friendship.
I wish you and her the best possible outcome.
