Dear Anne
I am a divorced lone parent of two children. Their father washed his hands of them and never sees them amd my Mum helps as much as poss, but still I don't get any real time to myself. I have been dating a guy for two and a half years, who I love very much, but he told me right at the start he didn't like kids. However, he was prepared to make an effort with my children because he "loves me so much." We have split up about ten times in the last 2 and half years, but always got back together because the love was too strong.
This time though, we have been apart for 6 weeks. We always argue over the same thing.......my son. He is 14 and very immature and thinks he runs my household. He doesn't help me but talks to me like I'm his servant. My boyfriend accuses me of not taking his side and letting my son ruin our relationship. I try to stay neutral but now b/f says he can't handle my son anymore, and hates him. My son hates my b/f but I love them both (though I don't like my son's behaviour at all).
I don't want to lose my boyfriend, but if he really loved me he'd take me lock, stock and barrel, wouldn't he? He's 37, I'm 39 and my daughter's 9. He and my daughter don't �have a problem. I feel lost without him, but what can I do? We agreed to try again last weekend, but I haven't even seen him since then, and now he says he has too many reservations for it to work, though he still "loves me". He says he's got used to the idea of being without me. I just can't get used to being without him. Am I wasting my time? Serafin
Dear Serafin
I do sympathise with your dilemma. Being a lone parent is hard, particularly if circumstances have made it difficult for one of your children to settle. And yes, you deserve happiness but right now you're with a man who won't accept your son. For what it's worth I'm sure this man does love you, but only in conditional ways. That's his failing, not yours. Your task is to decide whether or not to keep putting up with the friction and demands this man has imposed on you and your family.
Your son is still a child, and one who needs you. It won't be too many years before he's grown up and off your hands but right now you are responsible for him, aren't you? Without this prickly man making things more difficult, perhaps you can now invest more time in building up your son's self-esteem, letting him know how important he is to you and how much his feelings matter. As yet he hasn't developed emotional maturity and coping skills. They are the province of adulthood though it doesn't sound like your boyfriend has attained them either, does it? It has been extremely hard for your son to accept his abandonment by his father, and, as children often do, he probably now sees your male friends as a threat to what love there is left in his life. You can help him grow up emotionally, but don't forget he is still only 14.
