Dear Anne
I have known my wife for 6 years and been married for 5 years. I am 59 and my wife is 53 and we met via the Internet. I told her that I was a cross dresser, in remission, that it had caused the loss of my first marriage and that I could not assure her that it would not come back. I also told her that I had been assessed as suffering gender dysphoria by a specialist clinic. As she is a nurse I also gave her several books to read on the subject. We lived together for a year before getting married. For another year everything was fine. However, a stage came where I wanted to cross dress and did in her absence. She found out and I was given a choice: leave or quit dressing. As I did love her and I thought I would be able to control the dressing, I stayed. From then on we have been heading downhill with the relationship. Little things are starting to turn into major items. For example, when we met she smoked and I said I didn't think I could go on with the relationship and she gave up the smoking. However within weeks of get married the smoking was back and has been for the last 5 years with little effort to quit. She drinks and I don't, which would not be a problem if it was just a glass of wine a night but it's a bottle! Then she get obnoxious with the drink and I just have to watch what I say. Anyway I stupidly agreed to allow her parents to come and live with us. It was another "Like it or leave" after I'd said I couldn't do it! The latest is that I have discovered that she is having "online affairs", sending some nice but rather sexy personal photographs that I took of her to several "online men". She seems to be serious with one though and they discuss in some detail what they are going to do when they meet. They call each other "darling" and "sweetheart", send kisses and "online flowers", and discuss underwear and sleepwear from an online site. She also denigrates me to him and he never mentions his wife except to say he is getting a divorce. She has asked for his phone number so she can say goodnight to him. They have also started conversations with video and voice, which don't leave a record. I am by no means an angel; I am very moody because of the constant fight with myself not to cross dress. I am easily at home with my own company (read self centered) but she requires constant attention as she gets bored very easily and can't amuse herself. She now goes out to work while I stay home and look after her Mum and Dad who are in their 80's. If I leave, half the house is mine so that would mean selling and Mum and Dad, who moved in 6 months ago, would have to go in a home so I feel the responsibility for that too. What does a guy do? David
Dear David
Thanks for your letter. I'm sorry you're feeling so stuck. You raise various points so let's take them one at a time.
First of all, your cross-dressing. You describe yourself as having been "in remission" as though it were an illness. It's not.
