Dear Anne
I really, really need your advice. I am 17 years old, and I have a half-brother of 23 whom I've never met. I was always told about my half-brother; he was never hidden from me. He is my dad's son and his mum took him to Australia when he was four. I have recently found out that he is back in England and lives very close. I have an address and telephone number to contact him. But I don't know how to go about contacting him. I would really like to meet and hopefully get to know him and have a relationship with him, but I'm so worried about him not wanting to know me. I don't know what to do. Please help me. Chelsey
Dear Chelsey
It's great that your parents have let you know about your half-brother. However, the fact that his mum took him to Oz after your dad and she split up may indicate hostility. Why not talk about this with your dad before going any further? You could ask him if your half-brother's mum is likely to have given him negative messages about your dad and by extension you.
You might ask your dad if he's going to ask his son to meet him. If he is, you could ask your dad if he'll ask the lad if he's interested in meeting you. Then you might wait and see how that goes.
Another possibility is for you to write your half-brother a pretty card saying briefly who you are, that you've always known about him and you'd like to meet him if he's willing. Just end it with "All best wishes." If he gets back to you, fine.
If he isn't willing to meet you, please remember that isn't about you. He's never met you. It would almost certainly be because his mum has blackened your father's name to him because they couldn't agree on something and she's developed bitterness about this. He may fear that she'd view his having contact with you as disloyal.
It's possible that he's up for meeting you but doesn't particularly want to make a close relationship with you, which could be for all kinds of reasons, not least that 6 years is a big age gap in the teens and early twenties. And maybe you won't like him anyway so you won't want to pursue a relationship with him.
So when it comes down to it, don't assume you're in any way to blame for his actions! Plenty of people who do know you do like and love you. I wish you the best possible outcome with this.
