Dear Anne
At the moment I am feeling quite stressed. I have a few money worries and my son who is 6 years old has constantly been ill since he was a baby: meningitis, tonsilitis, febrile convulsions, kidney infections, German measles, chest infections, the list goes on. I panic when there is something wrong which relates to me being unwell with stomach pain, loose stools and nausea. I feel this is happening too frequently. I also feel tired all the time, which is not like me. Could you please help me? Thanks. Gill
Dear Gill
Thank you for your letter. I am sorry that you and your son have been feeling unwell. It's natural for a mother to experience some anxiety when her child is ill but the symptoms you describe indicate, as I'm sure you realise, that your stress is affecting you physically.
Let's look at some counters to your panic. I wonder if somehow you have been blaming yourself for your son's ill-health? It's worth knowing that in effect your child is now inoculated against all the illnesses you describe, and that generally children who have been sickly grow out of this and become perfectly healthy adults. I invite you to realise that he has survived all these childish ailments so you must have cared for him well. You are a good mother and you can congratulate yourself on all these successes.
Now, though, isn't it time you gave yourself some care too? Why not start by going to the doctor and explaining your symptoms? He or she may be able to offer you medication or counselling. A counsellor could help you manage stress differently and build new, self-supportive reactions when you encounter difficulties. If your surgery doesn't offer counselling, you could approach your local branch of MIND, who may be able to offer you some sessions free (although there's probably a waiting list). You can get their number from Directory Enquiries. Your library may also have some relaxation tapes which you could borrow.
As far as money is concerned, if you have problems with hard-to-pay bills, it may be worth your while to make an appointment with a debt counsellor via the Citizens Advice Bureau or your nearest Neighbourhood Office. You may also be eligible for allowances of which you have been unaware.
Pleasure is the best antidote to stress. Now that your son is at school you may be able to make friends with other mothers or work colleagues, or consult your local library to find out what's on in your area. You may also have friends or family who will childmind for you so that you have some time for yourself. Churches can offer low-cost social activities, and Adult Education classes could help you build up skills to improve your earnings. Some of these courses are free.
I hope that soon you'll be feeling more relaxed and confident, and well on your way to a happier life as an individual as well as a mother. Good luck!
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