Am I Pregnant? - Agony Aunt

Dear Anne

My boyfriend and I are sleeping together and we always use protection but the last time the condom feel off without either of us realising till later on! This was only 4 days ago. I tried to get the morning after pill and now I'm worried I might be pregnant. My boyfriend and I talked about it a little, but now he says that he won't talk until we know for sure that I am pregnant. I need to know how soon I can take a test because the sooner I find out the better! I have no-one else to turn to because I can't tell my parents and everyone tells me different things about the test! Thank you. Kelly

Dear Kelly

I appreciate your anxiety. You don't say how old you are but the fact that you're worried about your parents reaction indicates that you're still young enough to live at home. You also say you tried to get the morning-after pill. Do I gather then that you couldn't get it? I'm wondering what grounds the doctor had for turning this request down?

Be that as it may, you can buy pregnancy testing kits for less than �10 over the counter from your pharmacist. The earliest they are likely to be reliable is 6 weeks after the start of your last period, in other words two weeks from the day you were expecting your next period. They are not 100% reliable and a positive result would definitely mean you need to see your doctor or go to a Brook Advisory Clinic. Anxiety can itself delay the onset of a period, but indications of possible pregnancy include a change in the smell of your urine first thing in the morning; tenderness in the breasts (though that could also be PMT); and a softening and raising of the cervix (the bit inside at the top of your vagina, which feels a bit like a nose sticking out).

While I understand that this worry must be foremost in your mind, please don't ignore the rest of your life: studies, work, family, friends, interests and so on, as well as your relationship with your boyfriend.

As you have discovered, it's not necesarily wise to rely solely on a condom. A barrier method is more effective in combination with a spermicide, which you can buy at the chemist's, though it's worth making sure any particular brand agrees with you by just trying a little bit in the entrance to your vagina to start with.

If you are pregnant and want to keep the baby or have it adopted, you will need to go for ante-natal checks. Your parents may well come through for you if you are pregnant, even though you're scared right now of their initial reaction. If you're not pregnant, it might be a good idea to discuss contraception with your practice nurse (assuming you're over 16). And, of course, if you're pregnant but don't want to keep the baby, you can discuss your options with the people at the Brook Advisory Service. Once you know what's happening and what you yourself want to do will be quite soon enough for sorting things out with your boyfriend, don't you think?