Dear Anne
I am 18 years old, and I am extremely worried that I am bipolar. I studied psychology at college and each of my teachers told me they were concerned about me and thought I should get medical advice because they believed that I showed signs of being bipolar. I shrugged it off, but I am genuinely worried. I just don't want my doctor or my parents to think that I am an attention seeker if I do ask. I have spells which can be up to a month long where I think that I'm fantastic, then the next day I can switch to feeling as though I want to crawl into a hole and disappear off the face of the earth, feeling worthless and like I mean nothing to anyone. I also tend to hurt mtself intentionally by biting my nails too short, or generally doing other things to harm myself so nobody notices because I worry again that they'll just think I want attention. My boyfriend of 3 years is going to uni whilst I am working, which is fairly stressful. I know we're young, and I've heard all of that, but when you've been with someone for 3 years it isn't very nice to go from seeing them frequently to seeing them only at the weekend and it's stressing me out. My nan, whom I have always been very close to, is also having an operation to unblock her arteries and it just seems like nothing is going right at the moment. Even though things are horrible I will still have days where I feel fantastic, but my bad days are awful and make everything 10 times worse. I don't know what to do, but I need someone to help me, because I don't think that anybody I know can. L
Dear L
I appreciate your anxiety. You're not in an easy situation. However, I'd like to start by saying that people aren't bipolar but they may have bipolar. A diagnosis (assuming you get one, which is by no means certain) is a description of an aspect of yourself and your life. It's not a definition of you. Besides, there are plenty of reasons that people have strong mood-swings or variations in their confidence levels which have nothing to do with bipolar disorder. You're right, though, when you say family, friends and tutors can't help you. Tutors may know a lot about psychology but they don't necessarily have knowledge or experience of therapy, that is, of how to help people develop self-supportive patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving.
At 18 you're entitled to go to the doctor on your own if you want to. That might be a good starting-point for getting a referral to a psychiatric assessment. (GPs themselves have only a few hours of psychological training.) As an alternative you could seek a qualified and experienced counsellor. I'd recommend someone with a background in Transactional Analysis, and you can find one in your area by emailing admin@ita.org.uk to ask for a list of local practitioners. It's important to talk to the therapist, perhaps on the phone, to find one with whom you're comfortable working. Many are willing to negotiate around fees. If the psychotherapist feels you need a psychiatric assessment then s/he could recommend you talk to your doctor at that point. In counselling you'll discover how to update your views of yourself, other people and your place in the world. You can build new and helpful patterns of giving and getting attention and learn self-supportive ways of managing your feelings too. Whether you talk to your parents about having counselling is entirely up to you. Nor do you have to discuss the content or process of your sessions with anyone but your therapist, unless of course you choose to.
Lots of people, particularly in their teens, self-harm in some way. That doesn't have to indicate bipolar either! It's a way of dealing with difficult feelings - but it doesn't solve the problem and causes others. You might like to go to www.selfharm.net and/or www.siari.co.uk, which are written by and for those who've experienced the urge to self-injure. This could be more helpful after you've started a counselling/psychotherapy programme (I use the terms interchangeably but some professionals don't).
I agree that right now there are stressful factors in your life. I'm sure you're worried about your beloved nan's angioplasty but it's a very common operation that has been carried out hundreds of thousands of times and is generally low risk with a very high rate of recovery and a much better quality of life after it. You might talk to her or your parents about your worries around this.
As for your boyfriend being away at uni, that's very difficult too. But you can make the adjustment. On the nights when you used to go out with him, why not go out with friends, have a girlie night with your mates or take up a new interest? Salsa lessons, a meditation group, a confidence or assertiveness course, adult education classes for fun or career ... There are loads of possibilities at home and beyond. Anything constructive to bring a new and positive dimension into your life so you're not just sitting around lonely, bored and fretting.
So, L, it's time to take self-supportive action. You've made a good start by writing in so congratulate yourself! Then move forward at your own pace, finding someone to help you on your journey to good emotional management. Good luck.
