Am I A Transvestite? - Agony Aunt

I can't stop fantasizing about wearing women's clothes, from underwear to complete women's outfits including make-up. Sometimes when nobody's in the house I go through my mum's drawers to see what I could try on! I know most men do it but I am obsessed about wearing it! I'm going mad! Or is it just that I am transvestite? Bob

Dear BobP>

Thank you for your letter. Isn't it interesting that you haven't actually asked for help? You certainly seemed to enjoy going into great detail about what you like to wear, although I have shortened your letter down. If you enjoy wearing women's clothing where's your problem?

A couple of points, though. You say most men try women's clothing on. I don't think so! Some men do and then adopt it as part of a chosen lifestyle, some would be horrified at the very idea, some would see it as a threat to or a betrayal of their masculinity, some might do it once out of curiosity and then not bother again. It depends on what each man chooses to do. You, it seems, keep choosing to do this but only so long as people you know don't find out. I wonder if the secrecy is part of the kick you get?

I wonder what your mum would think, though, if she knew you were going through her things? Wouldn't she be angry at the invasion of her privacy? I don't know how old you are but it seems you're still living with your mum so I'm guessing not very old. Wouldn't you hate it if she poked and pried through your things? Don't you think she deserves enough courtesy not to invade her private space?

Then there's another point. Enjoyment is one thing, but obsession is something else. Have you actually thought through your choices and their consequences? What it would mean if you decided to adopt a woman's persona in daily life? What would that mean for your relationships with your family, friends, schoolmates or work colleagues? Eddie Izzard for one is quite happy with cross-dressing in public although he doesn't like it when men attack him. He's happily heterosexual but in a line of work where a trade-mark like this is good for his career. What about you? If cross-dressing is something you only do in secret, what does secrecy mean for future relationships? Do you actually want a partner who's happy to accept a distance between you and her? Isn't it an invitation for her to keep secrets from you too?

If you want to cross-dress, go ahead. Be my guest. But wouldn't it make sense to invest in your own wardrobe? You could contact the Beaumont Society on 01582 412220 to talk about your feelings with people who understand and who can help you see choices and consequences more clearly. Like fishing or Morris dancing, transvestite behaviours can be a hobby or a way of life.