Dear Anne
I'm 14 years old and don't know whether to lose my virginity or not to my ex because I don't know whether I can trust him. I have done stuff with him before but he told all his mates every detail and I just don't want him to tell everyone about this or if I do it wrong. Please help. Lauren
Dear Lauren
Can you trust this lad? No. You already have proof of that because he's discussed you and your sexual actions with his mates. This shows he doesn't value you, he just wants to show off what a "big man" he is. Of course that's the opposite of what he really is. Grown-ups don't kiss and tell, let alone reveal more intimate details. If you value yourself and your reputation, steer well clear of him! You don't have to justify yourself, just tell him it's not what you want, and stick to that. The guy has to earn your trust by his actions as well as his words.
Can you do sex "wrong"? Well, there isn't a right way or a wrong way. There's just what you and the guy like doing with each other. You have the right to say what you will and won't do with your body. Even in a close relationship you'll find that it takes time and familiarity to have sex that satisfies you both in physical and emotional terms.
But, Lauren, there's more to safe sex than that. Trust is a vital part of the process so it's always best to wait until you and the lad are in a committed relationship before going all the way. You and he will also need to have shared your sexual histories and agreed how you're going to protect yourselves from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy.
Also anyone who has sex with you before your 16th birthday is breaking the law.
I hope you'll take good care of yourself and think before you jump into bed with someone. Otherwise you could get seriously hurt.
