Online dating cliches decoded

The internet has opened up the dating game to millions who don't enjoy walking up to strangers and saying "d'you come here often?". But the art of the online pull brings its own challenges. Online dating ads are littered with so many cliches, logging on can feel like being parachuted into treacle.

Making sense of online dating cliches and jargon is about far more than just knowing what GSOH stands for. A person reveals a lot about themselves with the cliches they use. Here's a quick guide to reading between the lines.

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Chart-topping cliches

Spend 10 minutes browsing the profiles, and you're likely to bump into more than a few of these chart-topping cliches:

1. I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
2. I want my lover to be my best friend.
3. I'm not looking for any type in particular.
4. I have eclectic music tastes.
5. I love long walks and watching the sun go down.
6. I'm searching for my soulmate.
7. I love life.
8. No liars or game players!
9. I love spending time with friends.
10. I'm looking for someone with a great sense of humour.

So what can you tell about a person from these cliches?

...and what they mean

They say: I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
They mean: I'm really embarrassed to be on a dating website, and a part of me will look down on you for being here too. In fact, I'm not committed to this dating thing at all. I'm also quite insecure, and I would die of shame if my friends knew I was doing this. So, how about that drink?

They say: I want my lover to be my best friend.
They mean: I watch too many chick flicks, I buy cheap birthday cards with rubbish slogans in them, and I don't have enough friends.

They say: I'm not looking for any type in particular.
They mean: I am an easy lay.

They say: I have eclectic music tastes.
They mean: I would be embarrassed if you knew that I own a copy of Everything I Do I Do It For You, and that I still listen to it sometimes. But I did go to Glastonbury once.

They say: I love long walks and watching the sun go down.
They mean: I have no imagination.

They say: I'm searching for my soulmate.
They mean: I am your future stalker. If you reject me, I will never let you forget it. (OK, maybe it doesn't mean this. But it does hint at emotional neediness.)

They say: I love life.
They mean: I can't think of anything else to write.

They say: No liars or game players!
They mean: I am embittered by a string of unlucky relationships that have left me needy and insecure.

They say: I love spending time with friends.
They mean: I don't have many friends. Will you be my friend?
OR: My life is one long stag/hen party. Please go out with me so I've got someone to hold back my hair when I puke.

They say: I'm looking for someone with a great sense of humour.
They mean: I don't really know what I want. But everyone mentions great sense of humour, right?

Second-division cliches

They say: I'm a happy, friendly guy/girl.
They mean: I will laugh at all your jokes just that little bit too much, until you want to beat me around the face.

They say: Hi ladys (sic) please contact me!
They mean: I have a soul-destroying lack of wit and intelligence. Do not contact me unless you like your stalkers fresh and net-connected.

They say: I'm laid-back (see also: chilled, relaxed, easy-going).
They mean: I'm lazy. My bedroom smells of socks. If we have a relationship, you will do all the laundry. I may also have passive-aggressive tendencies.

They say: I'm really creative/funny.
They mean: I am not at all creative/funny. If I were, I'd have shown it through the way I wrote my profile.

They say: I value my independence.
They mean: I am controlling, set in my ways and hopelessly addicted to My Space. If we live on different continents, it may just work.

Avoid the cliché trap

Cliches may seem innocuous, but they're more loaded than Buffalo Bill's revolver. Which is why you should try your darndest not to use them in your own profile.

Even if you think a cliché describes you perfectly, it will make your profile sound like everyone else's. And online dating is all about standing out from the crowd.

The answer is to be specific. Instead of saying "I love long walks", mention your favourite walking route. Rather than "eclectic music tastes", give a few bands who'd be on your dream compilation or festival line-up.

Being more specific doesn't just make you stand out - it also gives people something to mention when they get in touch. You're also more likely to attract potential dates with whom you genuinely have something in common. Good luck, and GSOH.