Transformers film review

certificate_12A

TRANSFORMERS

Hollywood is clearly bankrupt of ideas. Of two of its biggest recent successes, one is based on a 40 year-old Disneyland attraction and the other a series of books written 70 years ago. The hope now is to replicate their fortunes with a film inspired by a toy that few kids have played with in more than 20 years. That it took so long to bring Transformers to the big screen is due no doubt to the fact that those geeky kids who used to play with the toys have grown up to become those geeky grown-ups who now make films.

For them, to see the Autobots come to computer-generated life and battle their arch enemies the Decepticons must be a nostalgic thrill, but even the most ardent Transformers fan will have their loyalty tested by this stupid, chaotic, deafening and excessively long sensorial assault. Were it not for the impassioned energy of Shia LaBeouf and the striking looks of Megan Fox, Transformers would have become tiresome long before it did, which was still someway short of the end credits.

With films such as Armageddon and Pearl Harbor, director Michael Bay has established a reputation for creating big-budgeted spectacles with a B-movie sensibility. His films are notable for being high in concept and low on fundamentals like story, dialogue and characterization. It's a hallmark that continues here. If the Academy were to ever issue an Oscar for the year's loudest film, then Bay would have a mantelpiece full.

As a helpful guide to all those who know nothing about Transformers, the film opens by outlining how the two warring clans of robotic aliens, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons have come to Earth in search of The Cube, the possession of which is critical to the safety of the universe. When the action begins we soon learn that teenager Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf) unknowingly has the vital clue to The Cube's whereabouts. "You hold the key to Earth's survival," Sam is informed by the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime. No pressure there then. Sam, on the other hand, is less interested in the Earth's survival than impressing his beautiful classmate Mikaela (Fox).

Reasoning that all anyone is really interested in is watching the Transformers transform and fighting each other, much of the two and half hours is devoted to these activities. The trouble is, the frenetic editing and close-up action confuses rather than impresses. Watching a Camaro turn into a giant robot has never been less effective.