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Children can be so cruel - and so, it seems, can Hollywood scriptwriters, tormenting cinema audiences with inane, unashamedly puerile teen comedies, which seem to have bypassed even the loosest quality controls.
The New Guy is a pitiful excuse for a film, with barely two half-decent gags to rub together in almost 90 minutes. How Ed Decter's directorial debut managed to avoid an early burial on the straight-to-video shelves is a mystery.
Nice guy Dizzy (DJ Qualls) is the hero of this cautionary tale: a misfit and an outcast at his school, Rocky Creek, where he and his pals - Nora, Kirk and Glen - are routinely subjected to beatings and verbal abuse. The pals try to avoid the humiliation by throwing all of their energy into a rock band, in the hope of one day achieving fame and fortune, and proving their tormentors wrong.
After a particularly traumatic encounter with the bullies, Dizzy decides the only course of action is to get himself expelled from school, and start afresh somewhere else.
Before his transfer, Dizzy seeks the help of convict Luther (Eddie Griffin), who promises to turn mild guy Dizzy into a bad-ass with attitude to spare. He puts the high school chump through the mill, with a gruelling series of physical challenges and martial arts practice. Within the space of a few days, Dizzy has been transformed into hard man Gil Harris.
On his first day at Eastland High, Gil follows Luther's kamikaze advice and picks a fight with the meanest guy in school: American Football jock Connor (Ross Patterson). A fight breaks out and Gil floors his opponent, and immediately wins the admiration of every student on campus, not least Connor's gorgeous cheerleading girlfriend, Danielle (Dushku).
The bond between Gil and Danielle strengthens, and she eventually dumps Connor to date the new guy. Unfortunately, her ex doesn't take rejection well, and he resolves to wipe the smile off Gil's face. And when the past comes back to haunt Eastland High's most recent and popular pupil, Connor discovers all of the ammunition he needs.
Watching The New Guy is not an experience you would wish on your worst enemy. Everything, from the writing to the performances to the direction, lacks pizzazz and creativity, and the characters are bland and two-dimensional. Qualls, last seen in Road Trip, is completely wasted in the lead role, and Dushku and Deschanel are vapid window dressing. More worryingly, The New Guy contrives an ending in which Luther and his jailhouse buddies, muscle-bound behemoths one and all, defeat Connor and his rowdy gang, rather than Dizzy.
It's as good as saying: fight violence with more brutal violence. Hmmm.