Bulletproof Monk film review

certificate_12

BULLETPROOF MONK

Somewhere in a dark and dusty corner of Hollywood lies a drawer full of scripts marked 'martial arts: B-movie stars only'. In the 80s Chuck Norris had the key to this secret bounty, passing it on to Steven Seagal a decade later. Both prospered by making action films which performed well enough to churn out one after another. Ever since America woke up to Jackie Chan a few years ago it was inevitable that carbon copy Eastern tough guys would appear. Hence the arrival of the likes of Jet Li and Chow Yun-Fat, the current joint custodians of the stash of secret scripts. The stories nearly always remain the same: one-dimensional cardboard villains determined to steal a priceless mcguffin and gain the power to take over the world. Until the all-kicking and non-smiling Asian hardman uncovers the plot and stops it.

Bulletproof Monk follows this pattern to a tee and offers nothing original to add to it. Chow Yun-Fat is full of mystical knowledge learnt in a Tibetan monastery in 1943, the proud owner of a mysterious and powerful scroll which gives supreme wisdom to whoever possesses it. His transcendental reverie is interrupted when a bunch of nasty Nazis arrive to kill everyone and steal the manuscript. Chow's fellow monks are obliterated but he manages to escape with both the scroll and his life - he is after all bulletproof.

Fast forward to the present day and our monk is living as some form of covert superhero on America's mean streets, granted eternal youth by still possessing the sacred script. But the troublesome Nazi leader is still on his tail, despite being wheelchair bound and approaching his ninth decade.

Chow enlists the unlikely support of a pickpocket (Seann William Scott) and along the way teaches him all the wire-jumping tricks he picked up in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Before they get to the ultimate showdown they have to deal with some assorted street gangs including some of the most laughable English villains recently committed to the big screen.

The film's 12 certificate also serves as a warning that no-one above that age should bother spending their pocket money on it. If you know any youngsters who intend to do so, sit them down in front of fifteen minutes of Raiders of the Lost Ark, a film which Bulletproof Monk shamelessly steals from. As for Mr Yun-Fat, a charismatic and likeable enough screen presence, it's time to pass the charmed key to the scripts on to its next recipient.