Goal 2: Living The Dream review

Goal 2 begins where its predecessor left off: as a marketing exercise aimed to attract as many football fans from around the globe into the cinema. The first film, which saw the precocious footballing talent Santiago Munez (Kuno Becker) save Newcastle's skin, took $27m in box office receipts worldwide, and the second part of the trilogy will be looking for an equally good return. Whether football fans looking for a good time will be satisfied remains doubtful however, as this is a film of one unrelentingly boring and trite half. A 0-0-0 draw in the rain between two second division teams would be likely to provide more excitement.

The flimsiest of plots see the wunderkid brought to the attention of Real Madrid's manager (Rutger Hauer) and when an offer is made for his services he is keen to join the likes of Zidane and Beckham. But how will he persuade his unWaggish wife Roz (a Geordified Anna Friel) to leave her nursing studies and commit to a life of fame and fortune?

The answer is that he just goes anyway, and finds that the lures of the Galacticos offer more than a foggy night in the North East. His cocky teammate Gavin Harris (Alessandro Nivola) shows him the sights and sounds of Madrid and he recieves more tempting offers from a sultry TV host. Amidst all of this he discovers that he may have an unknown half- brother living on a rough estate thanks to the convenient fact that his mother moved there since Santi was born in Mexico. He spends a good half of the film mooching about and avoiding this issue until he inevitably and tardily brings it to its obvious conclusion.

But let's not forget the football: thanks to the wizardry of modern technology and the co-operation of Real, Santi scores several more goals - usually in injury time - and propels his team to the Champions League final against Arsenal (handily taking place in Madrid's own ground). David Beckham observes the 'shut up and look good' maxim of acting in what is clearly a mini-audition for his forthcoming Hollywood adventures, where we will no doubt see him persuading Santi to join him at LA Galaxy.

Anyone over the age of six is once again likely to start fidgeting at the sheer silliness of it all: this one's not even so bad it's good.

Paul Hurley