Oscars Quotes

1) "Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread over four hours". Johnny Carson is not impressed...

2) "When they sign you up for one of those so-called 'Special Awards', you know it's time to cash it in". Joan Crawford fears the Academy's greatest honour.

3) "By the way, be sure to stay tuned for the whole show because at the end of the night we're going to vote somebody out of show business". Host Steve Martin gets 'em going.

4) "In case of an emergency, the Academy has a protocol: Steven Spielberg first, the rest of you are on your own". Robin Williams brightens up the evening.

5) "What does the Academy Award mean? I don't think it means much of anything". Sally Field in 1980, after winning for Norma Rae.

6) "You like me! You really like me!" By the time she won again in 1985 for Places In The Heart, Sally had a very clear idea of what it meant.

7) "I'd like to thank John Bayley for allowing us to plunder and misrepresent his life with Iris". Jim Broadbent keeps his humour when winning in 2002.

8) "The Academy Awards are obscene, dirty . . . no better than a beauty contest". Dustin Hoffman in 1975, having lost out with The Graduate, Midnight Cowboy and Lenny. Before the decade was out he was graciously accepting his award for Kramer Vs Kramer.

9) "Thank you very much. That makes up for the strip-search". Woody Allen jokingly bemoans the tight security.

10) "I would like to be Jupiter and kidnap everybody and take them to the firmament and make love to everybody". It could only be Roberto Benigni, winner for Life Is Beautiful.

11) "My friend James Cameron and I made three films together - True Lies, The Terminator and Terminator 2. Of course, that was during his early, low-budget, art-house period". Arnold Schwarzenegger presents an award in 1998, year of Titanic.

12) "I'm so honoured and I thank the Academy for choosing me to be the vessel". Halle Berry goes overboard in 2002.

13) "I was just taking pictures with Halle Berry and she doesn't know where she is". Fellow winner Denzel Washington keeps his cool.

14) "I saw the trailer for Dude, Where's My Car? And it ruined it for me. Maybe that's not fair because I had read the book". Steve again...

15) "I feel like Adam when he said to Eve 'Back up, I don't know how big this gets!'" Williams again, on opening the Best Supporting Actress envelope.