Tiscali Scambusters

Our reply

Dear Isowo
By trade, I am a member of parliament, but I prefer my part time role which involves 'bit parts' in soap operas, namely Eastenders and Emmerdale. I'm a sprightly 60 year old, with all of my own internal organs and very little cosmetic surgery to speak of.
I would envisage a return of £3.50 for an initial investment of £2 million in the first year; however this all depends on how the carrot farm is managed and how many scarecrows we can plant.
Regards and organic farming
Lord C Buster

Miss Isowo Imedi

Hello Mr Lord C Buster,
How are you and your family,I am waiting to hear for you so that i can do the next step thanks.
Miss Isowo Amedi.

Our reply

Dearest darling Isowo,
What a pleasure it was to hear from you again and please accept my apologies for not responding to your recent request for me to come and visit you for a meeting.
I've been looking at the bus and train timetables, but cannot find any mention of Dakar? I've never been to the Midlands before, and I'm trying to work out if Dakar is situated between Wolverhampton and Nottingham or maybe I'm completely off track and it's in the Walsall area?
Regards and map-reading
Lord C Buster

Miss Isowo Imedi

Hello Mr Lord C Buster,
How are you today,I am very happy for the business,Dakar Senegal is good country and beautful,I will very happy if you come down to Dakar Senegal for the meeting so that i can see you face to face you will take the money going to your country and my son,If you come Down to Dakar Senegal is the best for me,Or DID YOU LIKE TO MEET IN DUBAI?
Thanks,I am waiting to hear for you soon.
Miss Isowo Amedi.

Our reply

Dear Isowo
Ah I see, Dakar Senegal is a country and not a small town in the UK. Please accept my sincere apologies for any misunderstanding regarding my lack of geographical knowledge.
Before I come to Dakar, could you advise on the best airline to travel with as I have never flown before, mainly due to my lack of wings?
Dubai would probably be a preferable meeting location, as it's nearer and the number 19 from Peckham high street stops right outside.
Anyway, let me know what you think and we'll talk again soon.
Love and oyster cards
Lord C Buster

Miss Isowo Imedi

Hello Mr Lord C Buster,
Please i don't understand your mail,Did you like to come to Dakar Senegal?Or DUBAI? to meet tell me.Call me with this number 00221 511 3174 is my son Mr LAMI AMEDI.To talk on phone.
Your Sisther
Miss Isowo Amedi.

Our reply

Dear Sister
I would prefer to come to Dubai, not only because it's easy to get to, but also as I can use my oyster travel card. It would be beneficial for me as I have a friend who works in the kebab shop on the corner of Dubai street. He said I can have a 20% discount on his lamb doner, which is far too good to refuse.
When should I come and see you and your son, Mr Lami Amedi?
Regards and 'do you want chillie sauce'
Lord C Buster

Miss Isowo Imedi

Hello Mr Lord C Buster,
I am very happy that you are seriouse with me,Tell me the day you will be in DUBAI,So that i can no how i can ready to come there,I am waiting to hear for you soon.
Miss Isowo Amedi.

Our reply

Dear Isowo
I plan to get the 12:13 bus from Stamford corner on Friday 28th July. I should be in Dubai street at approx 13:15, as long as the roadworks on Paddington lane don't hold me up.
I'll meet you at 13:30 by the post office and then we can go for a liquid lunch and discuss our business venture. Lady Buster will probably join us at around 15:00, after she's had her roots done and permed her ears.
If there are any problems with the time and date, please contact me to arrange a more suitable time.
Regards and jolly days out
Lord C Buster

Miss Isowo Imedi

Hello Mr Buster,
Thanks for your mail,It is possible to going to Dubai by Road?I will sent my consultant to meet with you in Dubai,So that you can talk to him,Before friday my consultant will be there in Dubai,I will going to the Diplomat company tommorow monring to lifting the money to Dubai.
The money will be coming with the Diplomatic to You in Dubai, I am waiting to hear for you soon.
Miss Isowo Amedi.

Our reply

Dear Miss Isowo
I will look forward to meeting your Consultant, hoping that he'll be able to give me a few tips on my feet as my corns are playing up something chronic at present.
How will I know your Consultant, will you be sending me a picture so I'll know who he is?
I might even bring my Consultant with me, he's fantastic when it comes to ear, nose and throat problems and I'd certainly recommend him to you.
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the day out on Friday. I and Lady Buster don't get out much these days, what with Mother in law being bed ridden and no one to look after the hounds.
Anyway, I'll look forward to your reply and speak again soon.
Regards and day trips to Bangor
Lord C Buster

Miss Isowo Imedi

Hello Mr Buster,
I will printing your picture out in computal he will show you the picture, so that you can no that this is my consultant,Please don't disapont me to come to Dubai on Friday.
Miss Isowo Amedi.

Our reply

Dear Isowo
The picture isn't a very good likeness, especially as I rarely wear mens clothing and normally dress as a lady on Fridays. However, I'll try to avoid too much make-up, so your consultant can find me with ease.
I look forward to seeing your consultant on Friday. Did you mention my feet to him?
Regards
Lord C Buster

Lami Isowo Amedi

Hello Uncle,
How are you and your family,My mother very sick she is hospital now for the opration then will do the opration on saturday,Please uncle pray for my mother i don't want my mother dead,The consultant is arrive in Dubai now he is waiting for you in Dubai,He told me that he call your phone number is not though,He is waiting for you in Dubai,Please try to meet the consultant tommorrow, i am waiting to hear good news for you,This is my phone number 00221 511 3174.Call me when you arrive in Dubai and My mother consultant thanks.
Your Brother
Lami Isowo Amedi.

Our reply

Dear adopted nephew,
I'm sorry to hear that your Mother has been taken ill, and I trust that the operation will be a great success.
I'm currently on the corner of Dubai st, but no one has approached me and the number you have given is giving me the talking clock. It's handy to know that at the first stroke it'll be 3.20 precisely, but it's very hot and I can't wait much longer!.
Regards and speaking clocks
Lord C Buster.

Lami Isowo Amedi

Hello Uncle,
The consultant is waiting for you in Dubai now,Where are you now,I am waiting for your call thanks.
Lami Isowo Amedi.

Our reply

Dear Nephew
Well, I waited for over 3 hours before I finally passed out with the heat. I woke up in hospital with tubes coming out of every possible orifice. Poor Lady Buster was in a right old state, worried that I would pass away without letting her know where the insurance documents were.
Anyway, the good news is, I've been released from the Spicegirls ward and I'm now back home.
How should we progress from here?
Regards and NHS waiting lists
Lord C Buster

Lami Isowo Amedi

HELLO DEAR?
THE CONSULTANT IS IN DUBAI NOW,YOU ARE NOT SERIOUSE WITH THIS BUSINESS SEND YOUR PICTURE AND SENE YOUR PHONE NUMBER,CALL ME ON PHONE NOW?
LAMI YUSUFU KABA.

Our reply

Dear Lami
I'm no longer in Dubai street, having waited for a considerable time and then returned home as explained in my previous email.
On a slightly less friendly note, your use of capital letters in your communication is simply not cricket old chap. I'm not used to being spoken to in that way and will quite possibly refrain from speaking with you, should your current tone persist.
Regards and dodgy tones
Lord Cuthbert Buster

THE END

No further replies so I will never have the chance to meet my adopted nephew.