Tiscali Scambusters

Helen Kone

Dear Steve,
I thank you for your mail. You are indeed a kind person and I ask that in your days of needs, God himself will send you hlep from above.
I need you to stand as the foreign partner to whom the fund should be transferred to. I told you that the money kept at the bank was meant for importation of some equipments. So the bank knows that the money must be transferred outside the country. They have long requested me to present the benneficiary. I shall be presenting you as the ebeneficiary.
So once you have this mail, please do give me your telephone number and address so that I can send them to the bnak and instruct them to start the process for the released of the fund into your bank account. I thank you and will wait for your mail.
God bless
Kone

Our reply

Dear Kone
After a recent win on the National lottery, I accumulated a big wad of cash, much of which has been wasted on bling, loose women of ill disrepute, fast food and private lap dances, but I managed to invest some in property and mobile phones. I therefore have various addresses and telephone numbers, but I'm not sure which one I should send you? Please advise at your earliest opportunity.
I trust this email finds you and your son in excellent health.
Regards
Steve

Helen Kone

Dear Steve,
Give me the number at which you can be reached.
Kone

Our reply

Dear Kone
How's the weather there, it's been a great weekend here after some nasty rain runied a family Bar-B-Q recently. Thanks for your reply regarding my contact number. I will give you a number, but I need to know a little more about what is expected of me regarding this transaction. Do you have any pets? I have a parrot who swears at my Mother in Law, which is really funny and makes the whole family happy. How can you be sure that you can trust me with your cash once it's been populated within my bank account? Not too happy today as I just received another parking ticket, which is most annoying as I don't have a car at the moment. Please explain what is expected and how we can proceed with this, before I give you my telephone number.
Regards and salutations
Steve

Helen Kone

Dear Steve,
You can now see my point. That is thereason why I am asking you to give me your phone number. I cannot transfer the money into your bank account without having those information. If I have your telephone number, you address and with other information, it is enough to show that I know you and that I have been dealing with you. I also have our email conversation. Then, you also remember that once the money is transferred, that the bank issue a transfer slip confirming payment via wire. I will have copies of all necessary documents and slips. It will also show in the slip that the money was transferred into your bank account. You bank will also confirm that you receive such money. So you can see that there is nothing you can do. But deep down in my heart, I have conviction that you will do anything funny. The next thing that we have to do is that you have to contact the bank here and inform them that you are my husbands foreign partner to whom the funds deposited wa to be transferred to. I told you that the money was kept for transfer for purpase of machines. So the bank was told the fund was for a foreign partner and must be transferred into a foreign bank account. Thats why I want you to stand as theforeign partner and receive the money into your bank account. When you cantact the bank as the foreign partner, they will inform you and direct you on how to receive the money into your bank account. Thisis the situation. I thank you for your time and anticipated assistance.
God bles.
Helen

Our reply

Dear Helen
Thanks for your communication that I have received via the wonders of electronic mail. As I currently have a fungal throat infection, bought about by eating pen lids of all things, I am unable to converse via the telephone, so giving you my telephone number would be a waste of time. Can I just give you my bank details instead, allowing you to transfer the money into my account at your earliest convenience?
Regards and much happiness
Steve

Helen Kone

Steve,
I find it very difficult that I will have to transfer my money to someone I havent' his phone number. It does not sound good at all. No matter what problem anyone has, he can talk on phone for a few moment. If I call you and you take time talking, i bear the bills. But telling me you cannot do to throat problem. It sound so suspecious. I wait for your response.
Helen

Our reply

Dear Helen
I was most concerned to learn that you are suspicious of my integrity regarding my offer of assistance towards your predicament. I too, am not wholly convinced that this will be beneficial in anyway for me and my tribe. The good news is that the hospital have said that the bandages, currently wrapped about my throat, can come off in time for the weekend, which is extremely encouraging as I will be cheering in the World cup, following all the action from a big screen that I've erected in a field near the local old peoples home. However, the main reason I would prefer to conduct this transaction via electronic mail, is so that we both have a record of our dealings together, just in case anything were to go wrong, as I would hate to see you out of pocket. Would you prefer my mobile or landline telephone number?
Regards and manipulations
Steve

Helen Kone

I want the two of them. Line line and mobile.

Our reply

Dear Helen
Please find my mobile number as I'm rarely in the office, mainly due to the Managing Director, Richard Branston, sending me all over the country selling pickles. I've also consulted with my good friend and confidant, Lionel Blair, a prominent dancer and part time politician, who has advised that I get hold of your telephone number as well. I trust this will be okay? Mobile (incl dialling code) +4487121***** I do hope that I can be of assistance in this matter and look forward to hearing from you.
Regards and best pronunciation at all times
Steve

Helen Kone

Steve,
I ring the number you given me and no one said anything. Send another number as this is not of use.
Kone

Our reply

Dear Kone (or is it Helen)?
I'm very sorry to learn that you have been talking to nobody on my telephone. I would advise that you leave a massage so you don't get rubbed up the wrong way in future. I've spoken to my bank this morning, well to be honest, I spoke to someone in India, a very nice chap, who tried to sell me life insurance, home insurance and some cheap washing power, but I declined his offer. He did advise that the money was transferred to my bank account as soon as possible as I'm currently overdrawn and the $7.5 million would help ease my overdraft worries. Please try ringing me again, but if I'm not there, speak to the machine, it won't reply, but it's a wonder of modern science that will take a message and repeat it back to me at a later date.
Regards and palpitations
Steve

Helen Kone

Steve,
You not have gave me a correct mobile number. I need mobile and another to contact you.
Helen Kone

Our reply

Dear Helen Kone
My mobile has been on divert all weekend. It's very hot in England at present and the government has issued a health warning, advising that mobile phones, when used in such weather conditions can burn the ear if used outside. As I treasure my ears, having only two at present, I have taken their advice and have left my phone in the fridge. My feet have also been playing up a little in this heatwave, but they're not to be sniffed at. I will try and get you my work number so you can ring me on a less dangerous form of communication. My secretary can always take a message if I'm not about, especially as I'm likely to be on the road this week, delivering coal to the North of England as there is a shortage there at the moment.
Kind regards and manic depression
Steve

Helen Kone

Steve,
Your number wont go. I doubt you.
Helen

Our reply

Dear Helen
Please don't doubt me as it isn't good for my low esteem and depression. I was very depressed this weekend, to the point of going out and purchasing a bottle of sleeping pills! Luckily I took two and felt much better. Are you sure you're using the correct dialling code from your country and have you pressed enough buttons?
Regards and common denominators
Steve

Helen Kone

Steve,
You are number is wrong. I have call but you are dead. I am concirned that this is not a good convorsaton.
Helen

Our reply

Dear Helen
I'm most concerned to learn of my death, especially as I recently had a check up at the dentist, who assured me that I was alive. Are you sure that your telephone is working correctly and that you're using the correct number for calling outside of the UK? I have contacted my secretary, who has assured me that she has received no calls and after defrosting my mobile, there are no missed calls or messages on it. I really hope we can procede with this transfusion as soon as possible as my sugar levels are quite low and the bank manager is becoming very menstural due to his lack of input.
Regards and lacerations
Steve

Helen Kone

Steve,
This is all confusing from one number to the other. Where exactly are you and please give me your address.
Helen

Our reply

Dear Helen
You previously requested 2 telephone numbers, which I have supplied. Are you sure you actually have a telephone as I haven't received any communications from you on my dog and bone. Why do you now require my address? This is quite worrying as the last time I gave my address to a person from outside of the UK, they came to my house with their family, friends and some goats and moved into the spare room. They are still there and I'm sure they are breeding, (the humans, not the goats) as the fridge constantly needs topping up and the cupboards are bare. The wailing that comes from the upstairs room is very annoying, especially as one of them appears to be possessed by a demon. I'm fed up with the constant flow of priests, coming and going, waving incense and being thrown through the bedroom window. The garden is now full of dead clergy, which the council have informed me is a health hazard! It'll cost a small fortune to clear the mess in the garden and the local church have informed me that they will not be assisting with the cost. Please forward me your telephone number and I'll contact you instead.
Regards and exorcisms
Steve

Helen Kone

Steve,
I dobt you. Without adress we cannot carry on wiht this.
Mrs Kone

Our reply

Dear Mrs Kone
I can fully understand the worry and concern you have regarding my inability to answer the telephone and take your calls that you're not making at present. If I was you, I would not not dobt me, but I would possibly doubt me. You are probably in much shock at present, due to Argentina humbling your wonderful nation (the Ivory Coast) in the World Cup finals in Germany. But please don't despair, you still have a good chance with two more matches against the Dutch, who have a wonderful culture filled with love, joy, legal drugs and red light districts and Serbia, who I know little about, but gather have much to offer in the retail industry. As we speak, I'm trying to book a flight to the Ivory Coast so that we can meet up for a coffee and some biscuits, maybe even chocolate hobnobs if you have them there. We can then finalise this deal, which will see us both, the proud owners of some machinery. Please advise as to which airport would be best for us to meet at?
Kindest regards and smelly farts
Steve

Our reply

Dear Helen Kone
Thank you for your recent communications regarding your $7.5 million scam. Your replies have brought much happiness and can be viewed in their entirety here.
Regards and preventative medicine
Steve

Helen Kone

Dear Steve
Please let me know what is happening as I am very worried. Please update me. Waiting anxiously for your reply to this mail or you can call me.
Thanks and God bless, Helen Kone

Our reply

Dear Helen
You are without a doubt, the most stupid person I have ever has the displeasure of conversing with. You obviously don't read the emails that I've sent you, otherwise you would realise that replying to me is a complete waste of time.
Kindest regards and limited brain cells
Steve

Helen Kone

Dear Steve,

Thanks for your message to me, am very happy to hear that you are willing to assist me,meanwhile I will like you to contact the bank where my late husband deposited the money before he died for the transfer to be done, here is the contact of the bank below: Bank's name is ATLANTIQUE BANQUE CI Director's name is Mr KOUADIO ANDRE Telephone number is 0022508213040 Email is atlantiquebanquecii@fastermail.com What you need to tell the bank is you are contacting them on my behalf regarding the fund that was deposited in their bank,ask them what information's you need to forward to them to enable them transfer the money,am anxiously waiting for your urgent response,thanks and God bless you.
Sincerely,
Mrs Kone Helen.

Our reply

Dear Helen Kone
You are quite clearly, desperate to get hold of my money and I will therefore continue to play along with this scam. Regards and laxatives before bedtime.
Steve

Our email to the bank

Dear Mr KOUADIO ANDRE
I have been asked to contact you by Mrs Helen Kone, a lady who may well be of ill disrepute. She has requested that I contact you regarding the funds that were deposited your bank. What information do you need me to forward to you so that I can get my hands on all of that lovely wonger?
Kindest regards bulging wallets
Steve

Kouadio Andre

This is to acknowledge your message to this Bank.Our Bank have finalised arrangement to transfer this money,as demanded by your partner Mrs Helen Kone. For this transfer to take place,you are requested to present to this Bank the below informations. 1-The name and address of your bank. 2-The swift code of your bank. 3-Your bank account number. 4-Your bank account name. 5-Your telephone and fax number As soon as we receive the above informations from you, we will effect the transfer.
Your's Sincerely,
Kouadio Andre

Our reply

Dear Kouadio
What is a swift code? The only swift I have ever heard of is a bird of the feathered variety?
Regards and feathered friends
Steve

Helen Kone

Some Months later...
Dearest Steve,
We're happy to inform you about our success in getting those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from India. Presently we're in India for investment projects with our own share of the total sum.meanwhile,we didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist us in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how. Now contact our senior solicitor in Cote d' Ivoire,his name is Barrister Nana Jawara on nanajawara@lawyer.com , Tel : 0022507731106 ask him to send you the total of $150,000.00 which we kept for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist us in this matter. we appreciated your efforts at that time very much. so feel free and get in touched with the solicitor and instruct him where to send the amount to you. Please do let us know immediately you receive it so that we can share the joy after all the sufferness at that time. in the moment, we're very busy here because of the investment projects which we and the new partner are having at hand, finally, remember that we had forwarded instruction to the solicitor on your behalf to receive that money, so feel free to get in touch with the lawyer, he will send the amount to you without any delay.
Yours Faithfully
Mrs Kone Helen.

Our reply

Dear Helen
What a shock it was to hear from you after such a long period of time. There was me thinking, she doesn't write, she doesn't phone, she doesn't send flowers and then out of the blue, an email bearing such glad tidings!
I'm so glad that you haven't forgotten about my past efforts and I'm extremely pleased that you've kept $150,000,00 aside for me. I'm sorry to learn that your solicitor is touched, but hopefully with medical care, in time, he may be able to lead a normal and productive existence in the community.
Regards and medical science
Steve

To Barrister Nana Jawara

Dear Barrister Nana Jawara
Helen has informed me that you've got $150,000.00 held in your offices for me. If you could pop it in a brown envelope and stick it in the post, I would be most grateful. Oh and take a couple of thousand for yourself, which will hopefully go someway towards relieving the mental problems you're having.
Send the money to:
Steve Buster c/o Scamalot towers Peckham London W1 4TH
Regards
Steve

Helen Kone

Dearest Steve,
Thanks for your kind reply,to be honestly speaking with you,I raise this check of $150,000.00 to you,just because of your past effort towards helping me the other time,but it failed us some how,but as God may have,I found another person that helped me out,I really appreciate your effort so far,please kindly manage that fund to do whatever thing you wanted,you can even use the rest to help the needy in your country,by the time I finish the project I'm working with my new partner,I will visit you in your country to share the joy and sufferness we have under gone before.but for your information,I would not like a situation whereby my new partner will know that I raised this money to you,because he might not be happy with me,so keep it on you. I would not be having that time in writting you always,because we're so busy here,so what you will do is to try and collect the cheque from the lawyer and do update me when you receive it. I will stop here till then and I wish you and your household,together with your family and church member all the best.
Still remains yours,
Mrs Kone Helen

Our reply

Dear Helen
My cup runneth over, mainly because the plumber hasn't fixed the taps yet. I've been in contact with your lawyer and await his response, as there are lots of needy people here, mainly in the Tiscali forums and I fully intend to share my windfall with them all! I can't wait for you to visit my humble little island, which is just off the coast of the Isle of Wight and it really is exciting knowing that I will be able to shake the hand of the woman who has made me so happy.
All my days
Steve

THE END

This entire conversation took place over a one year period. We never heard back from Helen, although no doubt she's now chatting away to other potential scam victims.