Problem with my sister-in-law

Where do I start? I am fairly sure that my sister-in-law lets call her 'Sara' has never really liked me. I am the sort of girl that she doesn't get on with and she is someone I probably wouldnt be friends with either. I guess I am the sort of person that people often meet and at first think is maybe a little arrogant or loud then they get to know me and say they love me and actually its an inner confidence that allows me to be myself without inhibition. This means I am rarely shy or unsure of myself. When I was much younger I was something of an extrovert and guess have always been quite chatty and bubbly but as a mum who is now approaching 40 I am not quite so much of a daredevil and actually like a lot of very chilled quiet time. I do however have no problem expressing myself and love life so am happy and laugh often. I have a great circle of very close and wonderful friends and am very happy.

My sister in law fell out with me last sept over a row with my brother and has now started to voice all sorts of reasons for not liking me. She says I only became pregnant because she did and yesterday told my mum that I spoilt her baby glow by announcing my pregnancy just after she came out of hospital and did it on purpose. I hogged the limelight. I am too loud. I am an attention seeking whirlwind in a room who is brash and annoying. I am a bad mum and a bad dresser and a million other things. I feel as if all these small grievences are just all about qualifying her dislike of me to herself and other people and I feel a little as if I am being ripped apart.

She has a million small things she doesn't like about me and doesnt seem unafraid of telling them to my mum and dad and anyone else who will listen. From the fact that I gave my boy a dummy and still haven't potty trained him at 2.5 to the clothes I wear and how I cut my hair. She recently had a birthday party with almost 100 guests friends and family. I was the only person banned. My parents were explicitly told I was not invited. More to the point she is taking this feud out on my 2 year old too.

She says she simply doesnt like him either and does not want him mixing with his cousins. Its her little girls party on Saturday and eventually she agreed to let my boy go and eventually has said I can go too but only if i sit and tame it down - don't talk to her friends and just tone myself down - not laugh etc. She says that she hates that people talk and listen to me because she feels I dominate a room and never shut up.

she says if i start to talk too much she will ask me to leave.

she told my parents that she has convinced my brother that i am not worth knowing and that actually he doesn't want to be bothered by me either.

what hurts is if i really was a sad old slapper who was a real cow and nasty piece of work i might see the point - well probably not as you don't see your own failings but actually my own friends tell me that although i am an energetic and chatty person that I am a loyal lovely friend who they adore and at least i am not boring or stuck up. I am getting fed up with her picking at me and my boy and my parenting style. The constant comments about why i have not done this or that and what she feels i am doing wrong as a mum, woman, person etc.

my nan died recently and she loudly told people it was disrespectful that i did not attend the service. I couldnt find anyone to look after my boy - family were all at the service. I felt it hypocritical of her when she hasnt spoken to my nan in the last 4 years while i visited every day and my nan would know that.

My mum says i need to rise above it and that its her insecurities that make her like this. She is insecure and finds someone like my mum and me who are confident people difficult to deal with. My mum says I am a better and more loving person and need to try to shrug it off but the problem is she is causing a real rift and starting to poison her children against me and also my brother who I have always been close too. I know her behavior is probably simple jealousy but its really starting to hurt and I really don't know what to do???