Sara Parsons from Sara Parsons Consulting gives her top tips

We all have times in our life when we can not get our heads around dealing with a particular person or situation. When we are in the thick of a difficult situation it is often impossible to see a calm and positive way out. What can you do? Here are some top tips I use when dealing with frustrating moments in my life - either with difficult clients, employees or even friends and family. I know it is easier said than done - believe me I am continually practicing!

• Label the situation and not the person as difficult: Try and avoid labelling the person as a difficult person - this instantly makes a negative connection in our brain which is hard to dispel.
• Banish negative self talk: It is amazing how our self-talk can lead us in or out of a situation. Visualise the discussion or situation going really well rather then thinking of all the things that will go wrong.
• Listen, listen, and listen: We all know how great it feels to be listened to. Listen to what is being said and let the other person get all their words out. Don't cut them off. Don't finish their sentences. Don't say 'I know but...'. Breathe deeply and listen. And listen actively - let them know you are listening.
• Question without accusing: Use open questions much as possible to get a dialogue going. And really try to avoid using the 'Why' unless it is absolutely the right one. When we ask 'Why' we can be seen as attacking the other person's values and beliefs. And 'Why' has the negative connotation of a nagging fishwife (or fish husband!). Think about what is behind your question before you say it out loud.
• Know what you want from the other person: Decide what you to get from this situation. Focus on the outcome and refocus if things get hairy. Remember you want to influence the other person's behaviours - not completely rebuild their personality (however much you think they may need it!)